Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
