dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
