My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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