So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
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I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
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Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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