dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I just blew my weed a kiss
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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