I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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