chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
