Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
