wat bout pragnant strippers??
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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