i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
