You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
