OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
