who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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