you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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