If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
