Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
you inspire me to be a worse person
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
