everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
he thought i was a dude.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
