You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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