he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
