so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
