When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
