You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
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There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
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He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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