Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
