she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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