Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize