hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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