just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
