I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
