i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
You can't motorboat a personality
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
