He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
