She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
