The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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