You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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