i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
