I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
