i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
