thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
