this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
