Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
