you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
