don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
