dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
