Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
