Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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