first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Randomize
