oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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