Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(319): View more from Iowa

You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift

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(407): View more from Florida

my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?

(636): View more from Missouri

our generation is not ready to get married

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(443): View more from Maryland

His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake

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(409): View more from Texas

Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.

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(518): View more from New York

They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower

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(847): View more from Illinois

I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.

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(409): View more from Texas

Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden

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