So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
