Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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