Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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