I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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