I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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