omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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