i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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