in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
