i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
