Having a random hookup so left but love u
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
