i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
