I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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