Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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