Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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