Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
where does the pee come out of this thing
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
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is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
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Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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