My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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