Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
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He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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