Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
