the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
