I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
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