there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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