Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Randomize
