Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Church boner. Awkwardddd
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
