you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
