Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I AM VODKA MAN
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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