omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
