Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
