Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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