There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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